Journal

Shame, vulnerability, worthyness.

Shame is the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection?

It’s universal; we all have it. The only people who don’t experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it, the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this “I’m not good enough,” was excruciating vulnerability. This idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.

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The Kabbalah Deck: tet ט

Beginning the Hebre word tov (good), the letter Tet first appears in the Bible with the verse: “And God saw all that He had made and behold it was good.” With its inwardly oriented shape, Tet symbolizes that goodness is often hidden in our universe; as the Zohar indicates, “good is concealed within it.”

In the Kabbalah, goodness is often associated with resplendent, divine light. When Moses was born, legend has it that his mother, Yocheved, beheld a dazzling glow and “saw that he was good.” In a similar legend, the birth of Abraham was accompanied by an intense radiance.

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VideoŽurnal W48

Midst a lot of very urgent work, what does the serial procrastinator do? Creates something that is not THAT urgent to do. A videožurnal (video journal) episode, and posts it to his Patreon page!

 

I’ve read Amanda Palmer’s book The Art of Asking. You know she’s the most successful music artist on Patreon? Her book is a lot about her life, where’s she’s coming from and it becomes pretty clear how she ended up where she did. I have notes & quotes from reading it. And it is quite inspirational and up-to-date with exactly what’s happening now – you know: twitter, crowdfunding, kickstarter, patreon, relationship-based “economy/marketing” aka your fans are your friends etc. In this context I will reflect on this year by the end of the month too.

The end of november didn’t bring another music video/release, although I was planning it. I had a concept, I had a loose synopsis for the video, I had ideas for remixes/edits, but didn’t have anough time or stamina to push it through in time. I’m learning to accept the tempo I’m working in. And I’m happy for any cheers on this path, honestly!

Along with the plan of finding a way to conitiuously offer an insight to my studio & work, here comes another timelapse video-journal, backed-up with an older track from an album released in 2004 (Z. Spavatsky: d0).

Please enjoy. It’s a december gift to you, my friends.

 

žurnaldela W41Y2016

Last week or two were pretty intense work-wise. But most of things went through pretty smoothly, so I’m quite happy about it. A sense of achievement is somewhere around here…, present. And that’s good. Despite the cold.

For a while now I’ve been trying different things to find a way to update my patrons on the inner workings of what I create. You know, the “frequent studio updates”. When I quietly started Patreon campaign at the beginning of the year I had many ideas how to do these updates, and I shot and edited various videos, but mostly disliked them as somewhat inauthentic. ( Yes, we can discuss authenticity online, narcissism and all youtube-culture problems! :) )

However, today I’m happy to share with my patrons an issue of so called ‘work-journal’, mostly timelapse material edited with music and annotations. I stand behind it, it feels right. It feels honest. I hope it gives you a bit of a (week-long) view of my studio and different work environments I’m creating in: a club, a theatre hall, a studio.